Sunday, May 19, 2013

Two Months to One

"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?" - Pam Beasley, "The Office"

I'm almost a week late in writing about the fact that my sweet boy is ten months old now. I'm stunned and yet so busy that it didn't have time to sink in until the craziness of ten months started slapping me in the face. It's been a rough week. I'm not going to lie. Nothing really magical about it. Nothing that anyone can prepare for. Nothing that makes me not want to be a mom, but sometimes wish I had a nanny for a few hours.

I don't think you can prepare yourself for getting thrown up on, picking up your child and getting poop all over you and then having to scrub the walls of you bathroom to get the splatters of cat blood off. (Hans had an abscess wound that exploded a few days we put him in the bathroom and he would shake his head and it would get everywhere...yuck.) Nope. You can't prepare. And at the end of the day when you throw yourself into bed and pull the covers up over your body, I think you really just need to laugh about it.

I am a very neat and clean person. Brandon and I both get tired of dirty at about the exact same just all depends on how busy we are as to who gets to it first. For me this last week, the house has been so dirty. And might I say that if you were to put all the dirt into a large home, it would probably be like one room. But my tiny little home causes me to be unable to think when there are dishes piled up, black beans smushed on the floor along with shattered food puffs, cat hair, cat litter, clean laundry that sits in its basket for a week or more, 6 pairs of shoes left at the door, leaves from outside covering the hallway, and toys scatted all over the living room. Ahhhhh!! I can't think! But cleaning up really doesn't help me get stuff done; it just gets it ready for the next wave of dirt. sigh.

So two days ago, I sat on the floor of my living room hanging out with Laef as he played with toys, and as I sat there, I thought to myself what I thought at the beginning of Laef's life: "I don't want to wish away my dirty house and toys scatted everywhere because then I would be wishing away this season of Laef's life." All the toys, the laundry, the bottles stacked in the sink, the puffs and black beans scattered on the floor, the things that make my house dirty--they are from living life with Laef. They are from teaching him to grow. (Ok, so now I'm crying...)

In 25+ years or less I will have a tidy house, I will have little laundry to do, and I'll be a master at editing weddings. But today, I have this boy who is growing and crawling around, chasing cats, putting leaves in his mouth, smashing black beans and peas with his fingers, milk messes on the carpet.... I can not wish this away, because this is a gift.

I had to think this a lot this week in the midst of the crazy business that May and June is bringing me. As a mom and a wedding photographer, it's incredible the hours and hours it takes me to run my small business with a 10-month-old crawling around, hitting his head on everything, while trying to edit. I only get to spend small, broken up pieces of time doing my business. It's crazy hard emotionally for me, because when I start something, oh man... I want to finish! You know the feeling. But nope, not today. 

So here I am, a new May, a new day, a new year, a new month, Laef is amazing, and he has been a handful this week. I'm hoping it's his EIGHTH tooth coming in...or a growth spurt. But, I am a very tough mom. My grandmother is a tough one, and I think I have a lot of that in me. Laef is going to be a professional mistake-maker, so why am I so surprised when he makes a mistake? I want to create a safe place for him to learn and make mistakes.

What have I learned from this week? Oh gosh.... in the end maybe to laugh about it all. Laef is the brightest spot in my life, and the brightest my days have ever been, and I'm certain that as I have more babies, my days will become extremely bright. I'm learning and growing and becoming a mom of patience and (hopefully) character. I'm learning who my friends are, and what I have time for, and what I don't. Maybe this blog is more about me than about Laef, but nonetheless, it is good. I love that boy, and I'm obsessed with him and my husband. And I have a feeling that I haven't even scratched the surface of beauty.

So Laef is crawling, chasing the cats everywhere. I own one baby gate and I need the baby child proofing kit level one. haha! He's hitting his head on everything, and wants to be held all the time. He cries when I put him down, and needs to sit right at my feet while I'm working. He is now pulling himself up to the couch, in his crib, etc. It's a journey of trusting the Lord. Oh, sweet Jesus. Scary as heck!

Sunday was my first real Mother's day, and my husband did an amazing job of spoiling me and being wonderful. I'm so happy that Laef made me a mom! It really is a massive deal to look back and see how far I have come!

I have three weddings next month and I'm crazy excited about summer. Hopefully we'll be taking Laef to the pool next weekend for the first time!!! And I'm wanting to plan a beach trip soon with him. Lots of firsts for this boy this summer. Including a first birthday.

and so...until next month or unless something fabulous or traumatic happens between now and then. ;)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Ice Cream, Fever, Tooth #7, Crawling, and Lowering Crib

"When I think of us slowly, life passes by. And I blink and your growing, no longer a child. What can I do to capture this moment in time? I'll sing you a lullaby." - Plumb "Blink."

So here it goes. If I can get through this without crying, then I'll be doing good. 

(Nope... tears are pouring...) 

Okay... so Laef is growing. Like for real. Today he has been crawling on all fours across the carpet to grab things. He's off exploring. I look at his silhouette, on all fours, his little nose and his eyes fixed on the object that he is going to capture. He concentrates with one movement at a time toward his goal. When he reaches it, he grabs it and rolls over on his back and throws his legs up in the air with his object lifted in his hands. He lets out a little song of victory. 

I can't believe he was really, really little. I knew the day would come, but looking at him and seeing that personality fill his eyes and the longing to be mobile is a beautiful, and terrifying, thing. The last three weeks he has been doing the army-man crawl on his elbows. Not today. Our cats are pretty scared.

Yesterday, Laef ran a fever and wanted nothing more than to cuddle in my arms and sometimes blurt out a cry, a yawn, and then a slight smile. He eventually fell asleep in my arms. I was in heaven. It's been a while since he has fallen asleep in my arms. He was like three months old the last time. So I just held him, taking a photo of every angle possible with my phone. I was a melted puddle on the wet carpet. Precious. So precious. 

He has tooth #7 coming in. This is the first time he's ever felt this way before. It's a sad, yet wonderful time. He's cuddly, content in your arms, but not 100% happy. He took a three-and-a-half hour nap today, just from being so exhausted. woah! 

So Brandon and I took Laef today to Fort Mill's annual Strawberry Festival. It's like a mini carnival with junk food, Krispy Kreme burgers, turkey legs, and booths that no one buys stuff from. And all the strawberries are sold out. lol. After Brandon ate his giant turkey leg and I ate my gyro, we found ice cream. And the following happened...

So precious. I just had to blog this sweet moment. There were massive smiles and laughs on our faces as Laef had his real first taste of salted carmel ice cream in a cone. He pretty much crawled over Brandon's lap to get to it.

So, in other news, we lowered Laef's crib today because he is pulling himself up. My new pastime is going to be watching Laef try to find a way to pull himself up. I must have watched my baby monitor for 15ish minutes tonight before he fell asleep. He just sat there staring up at the walls of his crib, putting his hands in the slots trying to find some way to see over it. It was pretty fabulous.

Sometimes I just walk back and forth in the hallway of my home with my baby in my arms and sing him whatever melody comes out of my mouth. This is the best treasure I have ever received.  I can't say enough how I wish time wasn't so fleeting. I wish every stage had at least one extra month in it.
In almost 2 months he will be 1, and I will probably sob.

For today, he is 9.5 months old, has almost seven teeth, and is starting a new adventure of discovery. I pray that I can be the best mom to this sweet boy. He is going to impact the world one day, I know it.