our paper boats: Warm Winter

“Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.'

Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky.”

I've grown to appreciate and love the simple days of lounging around the house in my PJ's and lying on the squishy carpet of my house eye-level with Laef as we play for hours. He greets me with a smile in his crib when I finally crack the door open at 8 am and peek in singing, "Good Morning, Good Morning... I love my little Laef... Good Morning, Good Morning to yoooou....." (Yes, my rendition of Singing in the Rain.) I sweep him up and he gives me smiles and small cracks of laughter as we open the blinds and peek out to the new fresh day where learning, adventure and wonder awaits us. He beats on the window and is thrilled with himself.

A bib, a bottle, a bumbo, a bowl of berries, a bath and a beautiful baby--this is my joy. This is how my day begins.

He's growing so quickly, and I feel like I need to jot down small pieces of these passing months. He won't always fit in his bumbo, his butt is super close to hitting the floor when he rocks himself fervently in his bouncy chair. He hates being on his stomach, and quite honestly I'm glad he isn't crawling yet. I like not having to chase him yet. haha...

He is now sleeping 8 hours through the night. I wake him up before I go to bed and give him a bottle. These moments hold the sand of passing time. Sweetest of sweet. A sleepy boy, ravenously swallowing his bottle and then falling asleep on your chest as the bottle comes to the end. The small toy turtle makes stars on the walls and ceilings, the rain and thunder sound machine fills the air and I rub my face up against Laef's soft head full of so much hair. He is so incredibly beautiful. What will he become? Will he love me forever? Will he be creative and artsy? Will he be super smart and full of wisdom? What will his wife be like some day? I often come out of the dark room wiping the tears out of my eyes.

I remember the last month and half of being pregnant. I would sit in my rocker in Laef's room. The room was so full of mystery. I would stare at the four walls for hours, thinking about him being on the changing table, in the car seat, in the Moses basket, in the crib and in my awesome new onesie I bought him. So much unknown. So much joy would fill this room. So many sleepless nights, so many beautiful smiles. So many funny moments. I knew it would happen, not having a clue if it really would be worth all the work. Rocking and feeling Laef kick me, I'd talk to the Lord about all my mass fears.

I remember curling up on the steps of my house Easter weekend 27 weeks(ish) pregnant and being held by my mom as I cried, terrified of the future, not sure if anyone was really excited about my baby coming, so afraid of being fat and stretched out from this baby...so worried about being a good mom. The truth is, it's all very real and it's all scary. That was a bit of an emotional weekend for me.

But after I let it all out, I was miraculously okay. I mean every now and then I would break down crying when yet another stretch mark appeared on my once slim, beautiful tummy...looking in the mirror and thinking, "What good is going to come out of this... this is awful!" haha...

And there were things that I consider "awful." Like breast feeding. So glad it's all almost over.

But as I've written in the past, faithfulness is one thing that I believe makes me keep loving Jesus. He's always been faithful to my heart.

So yes, Laef is 6.5 months old. He's just pure fun. Getting a little more demanding for attention. Cries a bit when I leave the room. Loves food. Loves going out and seeing the world.

Brandon and I have been so busy working on redoing my website, branding, pricing and packages for my business. I'm excited to be able to offer new albums and new product to my customers this year.

I'm happy with life.