Friday, September 7, 2012

A Pilgrim's Tale

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose heart is set on a pilgrimage." - Psalm 84:5

The last two weeks have been... mmm... well, I'm not sure. Some days I say, "This is great! It's not hard. I'm really doing well at this." And other days I am guilty of handing my child to Brandon in the middle of a feeding and throwing up my fists, crying, "I hate breastfeeding!" So.... yeah. In the end, when my boy smiles at me with his swooning little dimples and his little sounds, I'm undone.

Some days I get so much done. A work out, my hair blow-dried, my to do list done, my house cleaned, dinner cooked and I'm like a shining barbie at the door when Brandon arrives home.
And on most days, I get half a work out done, a shower (with dripping wet hair), a load of laundry washed (but 3 days later I forget I didn't dry it...(bunny trail: true story. I washed my clothes fou times last week, because I kept forgetting to put them in the dryer. Silly me.)) and left overs warmed up. ;) Nonetheless, I can't let it eat me up when I don't fulfill the ultimate wife duties. I am a learning mother, and a learning wife with an eight-week-old.

I have spent this morning in my pj's, hair a matted mess, wearing smudgy glasses from my oily face, with a sweet cooing baby taking a nap on my lap, while watching a photography critique and teaching session online. I'm gearing up and refreshing my mind to rev back up my photography business.

Laef went through his six- to eight-week growth spurt last week. He cried so much. I felt like I was back at square one with breastfeeding. Laef was unhappy--wanted to be held constantly and was eating more than ever. I held onto the fact that this would soon pass. And it has. He is so sweet this week.  Looking back, I think, "Oh, that wasn't THAT bad..." haha! My girlfriend, Tiffany, tweeted something last week that I have thought of 10 or 12 times over the last week: "Hard times aren't bad. They're just hard."

I also have gone through heartaches with friendships. In the mix of things, I feel like the line in the Coldplay song "Fix You" when it says "When you love someone and it goes to waste, could it be worse?" I have felt that way these last two weeks. My Grandma says, "You aren't responsible for how other people act. But you are responsible for how you act." Along those same lines, Jason Upton quoted in one of his songs, "We don't forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive so we can see again." And that is exactly the heart posture I have to maintain.

Laef spends so much time in his bouncy, staring out the windows, laughing at the hanging birds and  kicking his feet around. He's making so much eye contact with us and laughing and giggling. It's glorious.

Yesterday morning, my second nephew was born. Cedar is his name. My parents, Laef and I went to go see him yesterday. Congrats to my brother and sister-in-law. Cedar is precious.

Two grandbabies this summer! My folks are excited!

Laef is learning to love baths.


This last week I've booked a couple weddings for next year. I'm really excited about hittin' the ground running.

 My hombres <3

Laef loves his Auntie Rebekah ;)

little Brandon? 

This is Laef's girlfriend, Selah. She is one month old. Born three weeks after Laef. They hung out yesterday.

Brandon and I are currently fighting over what color eyes Laef is going to have. Most of the time they look gray with a blue or green rim. In this photo below, Brandon wins. Brown and beautiful.

Every morning after I feed Laef, I put him on the changing pad. He puts his arms to his sides and gives me this smile. 

Next Friday, my husband, Laef and I are flying into NYC, renting a car, and driving out to the Hamptons. My longtime family friend, Ashley Webb, is getting married. I'm photographing her wedding at this church. (I know, right?!?) So stay tuned for a blog post about "Laef in the Hamptons"... ooo....  

Well, I think that's all I have for now. Just keeping up with life. It is absolutely amazing how our son is changing right before our eyes. He is eight weeks old today, and next week he will be two months old. I'm pretty sure he is the most beautiful boy ever created. Every night, I swaddle and rock him to sleep while I ask the Lord for wisdom on how to raise this boy. I need wisdom for raising him through all the seasons of his soul, as long as I have him. I have to give him back to God. He's a gift, and I'm taking care of this little pilgrim. My prayer for him is that Jesus would set a seal of love on his heart at a young age, ruining him for anything less than love. I also pray that Laef would be man of honor, wisdom, integrity, purity, creativity, and humility. I often ask that he would be like his father, Brandon, who in my opinion is one of the gentlest, wisest men I have ever known. 


  1. Enjoyed that, Rebekah. Thanks. You are doing a great job. Hang in there. No one is super, just breathe. Any of us who have had babies know. We just know. No explanation needed. Breathe. xoxo

  2. I stumbled upon this blog from your photography site. My daughter, Willow, turns 3 weeks tomorrow...and I am so thankful that I found your posts. I am having a horrible time with breastfeeding, and have thought about giving her formula more than a few times after "fighting" to get her to feed. Some days are good, some days...not so much. Also read your birth story, which sounds similar to mine! After my water breaking, we went to the hospital and had an amazing birth (thanks to an epidural!) This new life is an adjustment, and I'm glad to see that another momma is going through the same emotions. Oh! And we have the same Snug-a-bunny bouncer...she loves it! It's her favorite place besides my arms (2 week growth spurt currently & she doesn't want to be anywhere else!). Your son is beautiful. Enjoy. :)

  3. You and Brandon compliment each other so well. Obviously, God knew what he was doing when He selected you for each other! And He chose this exact moment in time to create Laef. And believe it or not, but you were ready....He doesn't make mistakes!

    Beka, you are so talented, so awe-inspiring and you are merely learning another "craft"....that of Motherhood! We think it should come natural, and be a breeze from the get go. But it isn't always that simple. And ready or not, there is still a learning curve. Just like Laef will face.....learning causes us to grow. And you are growing into motherhood, Beka!

    God gifted you with that special little boy, because He knew you, and you alone, were the perfect person to love and lead, to guide and direct him in the paths that God has chosen for him. Isn't that absolutely amazing? And a little scary, too. But you will take it one day at a time, and I promise you this: one day soon you will step back and look at yourself and see a confident mother, where once a scared young woman stood. All because God Himself believed you to be worthy of caring for yet another one of His Sons!

    I love you.

    Grandma Sharon